I'm Sorry
by MagicMan01
Summary: On the verge of death, Light reflects on the kind of person the Death Note has turned him into and the many regrets he has from using it. But before he fades away, he is visited by the last person he would ever expect to sympathize with him, and even more, a possible chance at a new life. LightxL. Warning: Has a happy ending, but very emotional until then. Oneshot.


**This was inspired in part by The Maiden of Autumn's **_**The Strangest Sense of **__**Déjà -Vu **_**and several pieces of fan art I've seen on deviantART quite recently. The ending of the anime series really affected me when L's spirit appears towards the end of the credits, sparking an idea in my mind for this story. I originally wanted to do something more creative or intelligent-sounding for the title to this story, but in the end, **_**I'm Sorry **_**was the best I could come up with. However, that being said, I kind of like how simple and yet meaningful those two words can be - both concerning the fic and in real life.**

**-Disclaimer- The only thing Death Note-related that I claim ownership to is this original story.**

* * *

_**I'm Sorry**_

Light coughed and gasped for breath as he took the first step up the stairway in the empty warehouse. Using his good hand to hold the railing, he slowly dragged his bullet-ridden body up the flight of stairs, trying to ignore the blinding pain all over. Each step was more painful than the last, reminding him that he was still alive, but just barely. He wondered if this was how the victims of mortal gunshot wounds felt when they were about to expire.

He was able to make it about halfway up the stairs before he lost the strength in his legs and fell to his knees, wheezing and coughing up precious blood. He clutched his chest and winced as the simple action agitated the four bullet wounds in his torso, blood slowly trickling from each open wound. Light tried to pull himself up the stairs in a half-standing, half-crouched position but only made it a couple more steps before falling down again. His vision began to swim and he realized that he wouldn't be able to make it up the stairway without any kind of outside assistance.

Grunting as another wave of pain cascaded throughout his body, he rolled over onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. He didn't even attempt to move, the intense pain of simply flexing a muscle being too much for his weak body to handle. He had very little blood left in his body, the rest having bled out of him and staining the ground beneath him bright red. Now that he thought about it, with all the blood he'd lost after leaving the Yellow Box warehouse and fleeing to this one, he'd practically left a trail of bread crumbs for the Japanese task force and the SPK to follow to track him down. He doubted they would find him in here before he died, though; even if they were somehow able to, it would be much too late to do anything about his condition. They could attempt to arrest him or give him medical treatment, but either action would be in vain - by the time they got him to either a police station or a hospital, he would have bled to death. After all, very little could be done for a man who'd been shot five times with a .38 caliber weapon and had been bleeding for more nearly ten whole minutes without any kind of medical attention - all while constantly moving, nonetheless.

Light was keenly aware of the fact that he was dying and he knew it would be soon; he probably wouldn't last more than a few more minutes, actually. As the blood continued to drain out of him and flow down onto the stairs like a waterfall, he began to think about everything he'd done since that fateful day he'd picked up the Death Note given to him by Ryuk. He couldn't even count the number of regrets that flashed through his mind. An American actress by the name of Lucille Ball had once said, "I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done." Right now, Light couldn't disagree more. With the amount of sins he'd committed, he wouldn't be surprised if he spent the rest of all eternity in the deepest pits of hell; sins that he never would have even thought twice about had he not been under the Death Note's influence. All the people he'd killed...

The countless criminals, both minor and major. Officers and agents of the law. Innocent bystanders. A god of death. _His own father_.

Had he known that this would be the outcome of his life, he never would have accepted that Death Note. In fact, he probably would have told Ryuk to stick it up someplace very uncomfortable and walked away from the offer forever. What had been a simple wish to rule over a new world as its god had turned him into the very thing he had made his personal mission to destroy. His good intentions had morphed into those of pure evil. He'd originally thought he was justice or some kind of messiah, but in the end, he was just a killer and nothing more. After all, it was how he had received the name known to everyone worldwide: Kira.

Only now at the end of his life did he truly realize what kind of a person he'd been in his short twenty-four years on this earth. Since he was a child, he had always looked up to his father and wanted to be a police detective just like him. He wanted to bring justice to those who broke the law and thought they were above it. He had only ever wanted to do good. He never wanted to be an evil person, and yet, now in the last few minutes of his life, that was exactly what he was.

"Light Yagami," a monotone voice suddenly called out softly.

Light gasped and flicked his eyes downward to see who the voice belonged to. But he would have known that voice without even looking. He had never forgotten what it had sounded like since the first day he'd heard it. It was uniquely, purely, and distinctively L's. He could see the young man's slim form from where he was. The long-sleeved white T-shirt and faded baggy blue jeans he always wore, his unnaturally pale skin, his wild black hair. The only thing he couldn't see was his face. He was just now realizing how much he had missed seeing it.

As if on cue, L began walking - or rather, shuffling - over to Light. He could now see his face, and upon the sight of that beautiful part of his body, he began to cry. He couldn't hold the tears back from falling, nor was he going to try. Yes, he truly had missed the sight of L's face. Those unnaturally large, black eyes. His thinly arched eyebrows hidden beneath the thick bangs of his dark hair. The sharp, high cheekbones. His pointed chin. The slightly upturned nose. His pale pink lips. Even the dark circles under his eyes from sleep deprivation. It was everything that made L... well, L.

As the deceased detective began to ascend the stairs, Light was somewhat shocked to see a pair of angel-like wings on his back. He hadn't noticed them before because of the distance between them, but they were quite visible to him now that he was practically right in front of him. The way the light of the setting sun filtered in through the warehouse and bounced off of L's pale skin, white shirt, and angelic wings made him appear almost god-like, or so Light thought.

L halted when he was practically standing over Light. "Why are you crying, Light?" he asked, hands stuffed in his pockets and head tilting to the side.

Light struggled to speak. "L," he gasped out through the tears and blood loss. "I... I'm sorry."

The smallest hint of a smile graced L's features. "I know, Light. I forgive you."

Light's eyes widened. "No, L," he shook his head weakly, "I don't w-want you to forgive..." He winced in pain as the bullet wounds began to throb again.

L glanced over Light's bloody, bullet-ridden form. "I am sorry for your pain, Light."

Light shook his head once more. Sorry for his pain? This was his fault and his alone, not L's. This was what he deserved. "I deserve this," he gasped just barely above a whisper.

L shook his head, kneeling down so he was practically nose to nose with Light. "No one deserves to die like this, Light," he cupped the side of his face.

Light closed his eyes at L's touch, surprised at this sudden display of affection but unwilling to protest against it. "But... I _killed _you, L," he slowly opened his eyes after a moment.

"We all make mistakes, Light," L continued softly caressing Light's face. "I made the mistake of not putting you away as Kira when I knew the whole time." He smiled at the utter look of shock on Light's face.

"Y-You knew?!"

"Of course I knew, Light. I am L," he smiled easily. "I knew you were Kira, but I didn't want you to be him; I never did. It would have meant letting go of the only one I had ever loved. I would have rather died than go through with that."

Light's mouth was wide open and his eyes were practically the size of dinner plates upon this realization. L... had loved him? "You... loved me?" he asked.

L nodded, wiping a small trickle of blood away from Light's mouth with his thumb. "I fell in love with you during the Yotsuba case when we were trying to find the third Kira. From the time I released you from your fifty-day confinement to the night your memories as Kira returned to you after touching the Death Note, you were only Light Yagami; not Kira. I only saw you, not the heartless mass murderer you had been and would later become once more. I knew I would die soon after you had gotten your memories back - the question was simply a matter of when."

Light averted L's gaze, not wanting to look the man whom he had thoughtlessly killed in the eyes. The truth was that he, too, had fallen in love with the odd detective during the Yotsuba case. He admitted that L had originally come off as annoying, cold, rude, and even apathetic to everyone around him, but Light eventually realized that as L, this was the way he had to be. Any traces of emotion or normal human-like behavior would make him just that: human. He couldn't allow his thoughts or feelings interfere with his work, which was why he always appeared the way he did. Whether or not they had actually been friends, Light wasn't sure, but L was the closest thing to a friend he'd ever had. The feeling of L's thin hand on his cheek brought him back to reality, and slowly looking back up at him, he used some of the little remaining strength he had left to speak to him. "I l-loved you too, L," he confessed. "I still do."

L smiled. "As do I."

Light tried to smile, but found it hard to even do that. He was beginning to fade away. He didn't know why, but he felt himself shiver. "I feel so... cold," he rasped out. "L... could you maybe... hold me? Until... it's time?"

L's smile grew even wider. "It would be my pleasure, Light."

L rose to his feet and sat a few steps up from behind Light, gently bringing his head into his lap as he stretched his legs out on either side of him. He snaked an arm under one of Light's own to drape it across his chest while the hand of his other threaded its fingers through his brown hair. He looked down into Light's eyes as he stroked his hair, noticing that he was more relaxed now than he had been moments ago.

Light sighed pleasurably at the feel of L's fingers in his hair, closing his eyes. "Feels good..." he mumbled. He felt as if his entire body were sinking into the stairway at L's touch. He wasn't even aware of the pain anymore.

L just stared down at him, continuing to run his fingers through the younger man's hair. He didn't really want to ruin this moment between them, but there was something he needed to tell Light; it wouldn't be fair to keep it away from him. He wished that he could have more time with Light, to spend as much of the endless time he had in his afterlife with someone who only had a limited amount left in their actual life. Sighing, he said, "I believe Ryuk has written your name into his Death Note now."

Light's eyes opened at that, looking directly into L's. Already? But... he hadn't even been with L for three minutes yet! This was the first time he'd seen him in almost _six years_, and now that they were finally together in the way that they'd each secretly desired to be long ago, he was going to be ripped away from this world _forever_. Away from _him_. L saw the fear and slight panic that were in those beautiful brown eyes, slightly puffy from crying.

"I... I'm really going to d-die then?" Light struggled. "L, I... I don't w-want to die..."

L placed gently placed a finger over Light's lips, which were normally pink but had now gone pale from the loss of so much blood. "Shh, Light," he whispered soothingly. "Just relax. When you wake up, this will all be over."

Light was about to protest when he felt L's lips suddenly against his own. He whimpered and returned the kiss, closing his eyes. He felt L's arms tighten around his chest as he kissed him, not wanting him to let go. They stayed lip-locked that way until the forty seconds ran out, though Light wished he could stay this way with L for an eternity. Light's eyes opened as the heart attack hit, staring directly into L's. He felt as if his chest were about to explode and struggled to breathe, but L's lips remained on his own, refusing to break the kiss until he was finally dead. In the last few seconds of his life, Light saw L's large wings unfold from his back to wrap themselves around both of them, almost as if in a protective cocoon. He felt their feathery touch on him as they brushed against his skin. It was at this moment that his heart gave one final pump before stopping, and then Light Yagami knew no more.

His body stilled and his eyes slowly closed as death took him, his lips still on L's. When L could no longer feel him breathing or hear his heartbeat, he drew back. He brought a hand up to Light's peaceful-looking face to smooth the bangs out of his eyes before caressing his cheek. He leaned down until his lips were almost touching Light's ear. "Wake up now, Light," he whispered, wings tightening around both of them. "Wake up..."

* * *

"Light!" a voice called.

Light shot up in his bed, panting and gasping for breath. Wait... his bed? He looked around to see where he was and noticed that he was in the bedroom of his home. He gazed out of the window near his bed and saw that the sun was in the middle of setting. It must have been late evening. Glancing at the digital clock near his desk, he confirmed that it was 4:25 p.m. on November 23, 2003. 2003... that meant he was seventeen years old, not twenty-four. He also noticed that he was still in his high school uniform, not some business suit covered in his own blood. High school... since when did he take naps after school, anyway?

"Light!" the voice called up the stairs again, interrupting his thought process. It was his mother. "Light, are you awake?"

"U-Uh, yeah!" Light responded. "Yeah, I'm up, Mom."

"I said that dinner's ready! Your father's getting home early and I want everyone to have dinner together tonight!"

_Dad... _he thought. His father... was alive? His father was _alive_! "O-Okay, Mom, I'll be down in a minute!"

Wait... did he still have the Death Note? Jumping up from his bed, Light immediately began searching his entire bedroom for every single place he would have put it if he was in possession of it. His bag, his desk, his bookshelves, under his bed...

When he came up empty-handed, he wasn't sure if he should feel relieved or apprehensive; relieved because he was sure he didn't have it or apprehensive in fear that there was somewhere else he hadn't checked yet. Just to be sure, he rifled through his room for the cursed notebook once more, wanting to be doubly sure that he hadn't missed anything. Once again, same result. He blinked, not exactly sure what to make of the situation. He was happy that he didn't have it, sure, but... he was _supposed_ to. From what he remembered, this was the date he'd picked it up and taken it home with him. But that was at school, and school was out for the day. If he hadn't picked it up there, then... he must not have picked it up at all.

A smile slowly found its way to his face. Not an evil smile or one of malicious intent, though - just one of pure happiness and elation. _He didn't have the Death Note_. He would never become Kira, never kill anyone with the notebook, never die at the hands of the law for the countless murders he would have committed. He was overfilled with joy. He was alive and well, and he honestly couldn't have been happier. And to top all that, his father was coming home early from a long day at the NPA to have dinner with his family!

Excited at the thought of seeing the man whom he thought had been dead, he practically ripped off his school blazer and tossed it onto his unmade bed. He took the steps two at a time, nearly slipping before he reached the landing. He glanced into the kitchen and practically beamed when he saw his mother carrying what was to be their dinner into the living area, placing it carefully onto the table. "Do you need any help with that, Mom?" he offered eagerly.

Sachiko glanced over at her son, whom she was surprised to see practically glowing. "Uh... sure, Light. If you wouldn't mind carrying out the rice for me, that would be great. By the way, were you taking a nap upstairs? I don't remember you ever doing that before..."

"Not at all, Mom!" he continued to smile as he retrieved the bowl of said food item from the kitchen and carried it back out to the table. He continued speaking while his back was to his mother as he tended to the dinner table. "And about the nap, yeah, I guess I was just really tired after school today. It was actually pretty refreshing, believe it or not!"

Sachiko watched this spectacle in utter disbelief, astounded at her son's behavior. It certainly wasn't as if she minded the assistance from the seventeen-year-old, but she had never seen him so quick and eager to help with a meal such as he was now, or him taking naps after school. Something amazing must have happened today for him to be acting like this. Either that or he was coming down with something. She decided to go with the second option and inquired about it. "Light, are you... feeling all right?" she asked tentatively.

Light turned and flashed a brilliant smile at his mother. "Never better, Mom." He leaned forward to give her a kiss on the cheek and returned to his task of setting up the table.

Sachiko just blinked and turned around to get the glasses out of the kitchen for their beverages. She wasn't sure why, but a smile found its way to her face, and for the first time in a long while, she felt as if her son was honestly, _truly_ happy with his life.

Light glanced over to where his sister was watching TV, lying stretched out on the couch. Sayu... She was the innocent, fourteen-year-old sister he once had, and he couldn't be happier to see her this way. "Hey, Sayu, how was school today?" he called out from where he was setting up the dinner table.

Normally, when his sister was watching television, she would hardly even pay attention to him, much less engage him in a full conversation. However, her head quickly rotated to fix her eyes on her older brother, an almost incredulous expression on her face. She looked at Light as if he were from another planet. "Um... fine, I guess?" she stuttered. Something was _seriously _wrong with her brother.

He nodded, the smile remaining on his face. "That's good to hear. Hey, do you have anything you need help with tonight? Homework, studying for a test, anything at all?"

Sayu's eyes practically bugged out of her skull as she gasped. Okay, now she was _sure _there was something wrong with Light. He _never _openly offered to help her with her schoolwork. She usually had to beg him just to explain a simple math problem to her. "Uh... I h-have some algebra homework I'm kind of stuck on."

"Okay, sounds good! Soon as dinner's over, I'll help you go over it!"

Sayu just slowly nodded and returned to her show. "Who are you and what have you done with my brother?" she asked under her breath.

"Sayu, can you come help set up the table?" Sachiko asked.

"Aw, but Hideki Ryuga's on right now, Mom!" she protested.

"Well, Hideki Ryuga can wait. It isn't very often that your father gets home so early!"

Sayu sighed heavily, but turned off the TV and rose from the couch anyway, not wishing to disobey her mother. "Okay, okay..." she muttered as she made her way into the kitchen. She made sure to put as much distance between herself and Light as she could as she walked by, not wanting to come within five feet of him until she figured out what was wrong - or _right_, whichever it was - with him.

Just then, the front door to the Yagami household swung open, and Light was nearly overjoyed to see no one else but Soichiro Yagami step through the threshold. "I'm home," his father announced in a tired-sounding voice. He closed the door behind him and sat on the lowest step of the stairs that led up to the second floor to remove his shoes. Placing them by the door, he took off his suit jacket and hung it up before making his way to the table.

"Hey, Sachiko. Light. Sayu." He paused for a moment and sniffed, a delicious scent filling the air that wafted through his nostrils and told him that. "Sachiko, what did you make for dinner tonight? It smells good-" he began to say before he was nearly tackled by his son. He gasped and struggled to retain his balance as he slowly glanced over at the seventeen-year-old who now had his arms wrapped around him.

"Dad!" he exclaimed.

Soichiro looked incredulously over at his wife for some sort of a hint as to why Light was behaving this way and was surprised to see her just smile and return to her task of preparing the table for dinner. Light pulled back but kept his hands on his father's shoulders. "Hey, Dad, how was work today?" he asked.

Soichiro merely blinked. "Um... it was all right, I suppose. Why don't I tell you all about it at dinner, Light?"

"Okay, that's fine!" Light grinned, and with a nod, he was back at the table and helping to set it.

Despite his position as the Chief of Police within the NPA, Soichiro couldn't possibly fathom what his son was so excited about. He'd never seen him this... energetic. Perhaps he would ask him at dinner. He just quietly took his seat at the table and helped his family set it for dinner. Eventually, though, a smile crept onto his face, and he realized just how much he loved his son and the rest of his family.

* * *

Years later, Light would graduate from To-Oh University at the top of his class and pursue his childhood dream of being a member of the National Police Academy and work under his proud father. He would quickly earn his position as a detective on the force and become one of its most dedicated and brilliant officers, choosing a young, ambitious man named Touta Matsuda to be his partner. He would meet several other NPA detectives he would often correspond with on many cases, like Shuichi Aizawa, Kanzo Mogi, Hideki Ide, and Hirokazu Ukita.

On one particularly difficult murder case, Light would meet and even work with the world famous L in person. He would realize just how much they shared in common, how well they worked together to solve the case, and how utterly perfect they were for each other. Less than a few months later, they would become lovers and live together in Japan.

Light would meet L's assistant and caretaker, Watari, and several of the children he fostered at Wammy's House in England, such as A, BB, Mello, Near, and Matt. He would also meet the man who served as the manager of the orphanage when Watari was absent: Roger Ruvie. Light and L would sometimes travel to Winchester to check in with the children and visit the successors.

In addition, Light would get to know and become friends with the model/actress Misa Amane, NHN anchor Kiyomi Takada, public prosecutor Teru Mikami, two of L's employees named Aiber and Wedy, and several other law enforcement officers like Raye Penber and Naomi Misora.

In short, Light would obtain his dream job, meet the love of his life, get to know many amazing people and even personally work with some of them, make the world a better place, and just live his life to the fullest. Hypothetically, if someone were to ever offer him the position as the god of a new world he could personally create, he would immediately decline and state that he was completely content with his life being the way that it was. People weren't perfect, and as such, neither was the world, but Light was more than happy to live in it and try to improve it with the help of the law. He would never actually find out if his futuristic "experience" had all been just a dream or something more, but he didn't question it even once and constantly strove to make his life a thousand times better than he ever could have with the Death Note. Whether it had been a dream or not, all Light Yagami knew was that he had the chance to live a wonderful life and would never risk squandering it or take it for granted for even a second, because it was much too precious to him to ever do anything so foolish.

* * *

**So, was it all just a dream or a second chance at life? Well, honestly, I'm going to leave that up to you guys to decide. I'm personally not a huge fan of ambiguity or the feeling of incompleteness myself, but as I've said before, I can be a major hypocrite sometimes (pulls out a shield to block items thrown at him). Please don't hate me too much! ****Really, though, I hope you guys enjoyed this. For those who disliked the way the series ended or preferred the idea of Light and L somehow ending up together, well, consider this a treat to soothe your shattered souls. Ha ha ha. Please tell me what you thought about this fic - good, bad, whatever. I don't care. Every little bit helps me out as a writer!**

**A/N: As you may have noticed, this is an AU where A and B are both still alive. As for B's relationship with L - twin brother or title successor, or even **_**both**_** - I'm leaving that kind of open-ended for interpretation.**


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